“Diddy’s Freak Offs Were Not Kink—They Were Coercion”

An opinion by Daniel Saynt, Founder of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW)

When I first heard the phrase “Freak Off,” I didn’t flinch. In the world of sex-positive spaces, a night of indulgence and exploration between consenting adults is not only common, it’s celebrated. As someone who leads a community where BDSM, kink, and non-monogamy are normalized and supported, I know that desire can take many forms. But what I’ve also learned—and what we teach in every SendNoobs —is that desire without consent is not pleasure. It’s power abuse.

In the ongoing case against Sean “Diddy” Combs, the details being unearthed aren’t about consensual kink. They’re about coercion, control, and systemic silencing. These so-called “Freak Offs” weren’t about mutual enjoyment or fantasy fulfillment. They were about domination through fear, abuse, surveillance, and manipulation. And we need to stop conflating this behavior with BDSM or any other form of consensual power play.

Let me be crystal clear: BDSM done right is based on consent. Not just once, not vaguely, not implied but enthusiastically and repeatedly confirmed. There’s a fundamental framework within kink communities known as RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink where all parties involved are not only informed of the risks but actively choose to participate. It’s a model rooted in trust and communication, not secrecy and coercion. And when done responsibly, BDSM is a beautiful, empowering expression of agency, intimacy, and trust.

What Diddy is being accused of is not a play party, it’s not BDSM. It’s not even “gray area” consent. It’s manipulation under the influence of money, fame, drugs, and power imbalances so extreme that saying “no” wasn’t an option for many of the women involved. That’s not kink. That’s coercion. And those of us who fight to destigmatize alternative sexuality have a responsibility to say so loudly.

It’s easy for the media to sensationalize the sex in this case. To lean into salacious details and paint pictures of orgies and toys and an excessive amount of baby oil. But those of us who work in the world of ethical hedonism know that real freakiness, like the kind we cultivate at The NSFW, starts with informed consent, enthusiastic agreement, and the ability to say no without fear of retaliation.

If these allegations are true, what Diddy orchestrated wasn’t about sexual expression, it was about dominance without respect. He used the language of hedonistic freedom to create cages for the women he treated like sex toys. And when someone uses kink aesthetics to justify abuse, they don’t just harm their victims, they also harm everyone in our community who is fighting for the right to love, play, and express freely.

We cannot let this case become another excuse to paint the entire kink and sex-positive world with a broad brush. Most of us aren’t billionaires abusing our power, we are everyday people who believe in pleasure with boundaries, in vulnerability as a strength, and in sex that celebrates everyone involved.

So let’s stop calling them “Freak Offs.”

Call them what they really were: power plays without permission.

And let’s not allow abusers to hide behind our flags.