These are the 10 Most Popular Fetishes
By now, hopefully you know that everyone has different quirks and tastes when it comes to physical attraction, sexual appetite and personal desire.
Whatever the turn-on, exploring your various fetishes and sexual fantasies is a healthy part of a relationship. Not only does it build your intimate conversation, but it can help you better understand your own pleasure points and better fulfill your partner's needs, too.
If you're not sure how common your current fetish is, leave it to the experts to identify everything from latex (looking at you bodysuit from your dreams) to the act of voyeurism (and nope, we're not just talking porn). From what the fetish is and it's history to a sex tip for making it work for your lifestyle and your intrigue, here's everything you need to know about the top 10 fetishes.
What Is A Fetish?
Remember when you were a kid and there was that one stuffed animal, toy or blanket that made you feel better, no matter what? Without realizing, you formed an instant attraction and attachment to this object and over time, it built as it comforted you throughout your childhood. Fetishes are a little bit like that. Though it likely won't make you calm, but rather, excite you, a fetish is something that's innate to your character and particular to your specific sense of self.
In other words: It's a lot like sexual orientation, you don't necessarily choose it, but you are immediately turned on by it. "A fetish a form of sexual desire in which gratification depends to an intensified degree on some object or item of clothing or part of the body. Common male fetishes are breasts, legs, hair, shoes, and underwear," explains Coleen Singer, sexpert and associate producer at Wasteland.com, the web's oldest online BDSM and fetish site.
How Common Are Fetishes?
It's a safe assessment to say that nearly everyone — from your best friend to your neighbor to your boss — has some sort of fetish. Simply preferring one part of your partner's over another, or enjoying lingerie falls under the 'fetish' bucket. Though of the studies that have been conducted, at least 75% of people openly admit to having some sort of specialized sex fantasy, meaning that whatever you're into (as long as it's legal and not harmful to others and includes consent from two parties), someone else probably has a thirst for it, too.
What Are The Top 10 Fetishes?
Though to list every single fetish would be quite the feat — but there are some fetishes that are more common than others. Regardless if your preferred preference or secret intrigue made this list or not, consider yourself totally normal as you investigate exploring the details that really make you hot, bothered and satisfied.
1. Foot Fetish
Though sitcoms and stand-up comedians like to poke fun at those who don't look at a lady's breasts but keep going South until they reach her toes, a foot fetish isn't as kinky or out there as you might think.
"This is a fixation of the foot, feet. It can encompass shoes and stockings as well that is put on the foot. It can be licking the foot, sucking on the toes, having a woman masturbate the man with her foot," Dawn Michael, PhD and Clinical Sexologist says. "Foot worship and foot domination where she walks on his back, chest face. He can be submissive to her foot and lay at the base of her feet, massaging, licking and sucking her toes."
For men who have this fetish, it comes out in different ways. As Antonia Hall, MA, a psychologist, relationship expert and the award-winning author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life explains, "Foot fetishists are turned on by the sight of feet and often want to lick, suck and nibble on toes and other parts of the foot. Some foot fetishists want to see feet in stockings, or have a desire to tear stockings with their teeth before savoring their priced feet."
When you have this fetish, it's important to have an open dialogue about your desire to touch and be involved with feet, but to not cross any boundaries without talking to your partner about it first. "If you have a foot fetish, the first and foremost thing to keep in mind is to discuss this with any new sexual partners. Some women will like it as it leads to nice foot massages and shoe shopping sprees, but others may well find it a bit creepy," Michael says.
If your girlfriend has never been exposed to this kink, then she might not know exactly how it plays out and could be a bit overwhelmed by it. Once you explain your mission and desire, chances are, if she cares about you, she'll be able to roll with it, as long as her needs are being met too. "I don't think too many women will turn down a good foot massage or a nice pair of heels, plus foot fetishes aren't so uncommon and won't get the bad rap that other fetishes bring with them," Singer says. "As with any unusual or kinky sexual activity, it's always very important to discuss your foot fetish with new partners. Once you get the green light, it's pretty much a fetish that can be played out anywhere from the bedroom, to discreetly under the table at a restaurant, or even on public transportation if you like being a bit edgy."
Try this product: Singer recommends a helpful, good book for those new to exploring their foot fetish is The Sexy Foot Fetish Handbook by author Danny Bright. It's available on Amazon, and the author offers this colorful synopsis: "In this book, you will learn how find a "footsie girl" which is a phrase I use to describe a woman that loves to have her feet pleasured. Learn how to arouse a footsie girl with just your eyes, how to get her interest focused on only you, and then how to get her to come to you to enjoy her beautiful feet!"
This isn't bird or whale watching, but you might notice some humping, if you're into this type of fetish. "Voyeurs want to watch others get naked and have sex. This is a commonplace fetish, as most humans have at least an element of fascination with nudity and other's sexuality. Fortunately for voyeurs there are a multitude of instant access ways to watch on the internet. For those who must watch live in person, there are many global nudists and sexual communities to tap into," Hall explains.
If simply watching porn doesn't cut it for your need to watch others in the act, you can take a leap of faith and venture into communities, as Hall mentioned, that offer this type of experience. Here, you will find others who share your same fantasy and are open to participating in a voyeur's ultimate turn-on: a threesome, that offers plenty of watching. "The safest way to play out your voyeurism fetish is to set it up as a consensual threesome activity. After everyone is on board for the scene, go ahead and peek in through a crack in the door or in through a window at them having sex to add to the fantasy," Singer suggests.
"The big 'don't' in Voyeurism is to spy on people having sex without their knowledge. While it's perfectly fine to watch your gal having sex with another man or woman while you observe, it's totally not cool to secretly peek into your neighbor's window without their knowledge and advance permission! This is also known as being a 'Peeping Tom' and very much illegal in most jurisdictions!"
Nah, we're not talking about latex condoms (being turned on by wearing those probably doesn't fall on most guy's fantasy list), but more so, clothes that really show off every curve, bump (and ahem, grind?). "Some people get incredibly turned on by seeing people in skin tight latex, rubber, and vinyl. Often there's a desire for the latex clothing to be shiny. Some want to make it slick and rub against it. This fetish commonly has a connection with the BDSM community. Latex is a pretty mainstream fetish and there are communities one can find to explore the fetish with like-minded individuals," Hall explains.
Michael adds that latex is often considered an interesting fetish because it leads to so many other ones: "Latex is easy to work into the sex play because there are so many ways to use it. One fetish involving latex is a balloon fetish, where you're turned on by both the inflating, popping and deflating process of balloons," she says. Singer says that latex lovers also might be called 'rubberists' (with gay men calling themselves rubbermen), or in Germany, you might call yourself 'Gummi.'
If you're interested in exploring this fetish, you might want to get your credit card with super-star rewards ready, because Singer warns that it's a pretty pricey endeavor. "I've have known several Dominatrixes that have invested well over $20,000 in their latex wardrobes. And, if you are the one with the latex fetish, you may want to expect that you will be the one paying for the garments for your gal," she explains.
When you're taking care of your latex wear — for her or for yourself — is to keep it healthy, so you don't get any infections or unwanted reactions. And even more so: make sure those luxe fantasy items last. "When it comes to latex, it needs to be kept clean and dry when not in use, and oiled up when wearing it. Not doing so will significantly reduce the lifetime of the garments.
4. Domination And Submission
"This fetish is part of the acronym BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism), which often go together. Domination and submission is a power exchange whereby the dominant controls the submissive, who does everything they're told to. Many people include some form of domination and submission into their sexual activity. True Doms and subs can only get off when their role is being fulfilled with a partner," Hall explains.
So what are you doing when you're participating in this type of fetish? Singer explains that the roles vary greatly, "Your actions in this type of lifestyle are based on individual tastes and likes, but can include bondage, restraint, slave training, sexual submission, impact play (i.e. flogging, spanking etc) and various forms of psychological role playing," she says.
But when you're participating in these somewhat-dangerous and at times, uncomfortable situations, you want to keep safety top of mind for you and your partner. As Singer recommends, "the primary goal of D/S is to have it Safe, Sane and Consensual at all times. Pre-negotiate the activities of the scenes. Establish a clear safe word for when the action needs to be stopped. Have well-defined limits of what things are not allowed," she suggests. "As a general guide, avoid going into BDSM play too quickly and without well-communicated guidelines and limits. Being part of an online BDSM community or joining a local group is a great learning resource."
5. Body Piercing
"Piercing can include piercings in the belly button, face, tongue, genitals, and other body parts. Often those into piercings will find a partner who is also pierced. The turn on can be anything from the visual to the feel of the cool metal of the piercing. Some people like to lick, suck and tug on piercings," Hall says.
When you're participating in this fetish, it's important to make sure your partner is on the same page and that she isn't merely getting a part of her body pierced (a hole that will be there for the rest of her life!) to please you, but that she's super-comfortable with the act as well. When you're tugging, kissing, licking or otherwise fondling the piercings, especially if they're in very sensitive areas such as her nipples or her clitoris, be very careful not to be too rough or you could permanently damage the skin.
6. Breasts And Behinds
"Obviously breasts and booties are common turn on, but fetishists are usually obsessed with one or the other and have trouble getting off without the perfect version of their obsession, whether it's a large booty or big bouncy breasts," Hall says. For this fetish, the easiest solution to make sure you're capitalizing on what turns you on the most is being highly-selective about your partner. While you want to connect on emotional and psychological level, you also need to be attracted to whoever you're spending time with, and that they fulfill your innate need. It doesn't make you biased, but rather, it's exercising your personal preference and making sure you don't end up in a couple where you're constantly tempted by other women, watching porn and more.
"Many people have a particular hair type they enjoy seeing, whether it's a brunette, jet black, blonde or redhead. But playing with hair is incredible sensual and can be associated with a fetish. Some people want to see their partner's hair up in a ponytail so they can pull it during sex. The head has a lot of nerve endings, so having hair held, tugged and pulled on can feel really good when done properly," Hall explains.
As with anything that might cause physical pain to another person, consent is extremely important. You want to make sure you get the seal of approval from your partner before grabbing at their hair or asking them to do certain types of hairstyles.
"Wearing clothes of the opposite sex is a common fetish, especially in the gay communities. Some straight men like the feel of women's underwear, or enjoy wearing dresses and feminine clothes. Sometimes the appeal is knowing it's taboo, and the idea of being caught is a turn on," Hall says.
Though you might find yourself somewhat ashamed of this fetish, experts agree, it's totally normal, and for most men, something they've held onto since childhood. If you were among the few who enjoyed wearing your sister's clothes as a kid, then you probably have some sort of attraction outside of the traditional, standard gender roles that are often popularized. Even if you're nervous, consider explaining this fetish to your partner and see how she feels about it. She may even enjoy the role reversal, giving her the chance to be more dominant, while you claim a submissive position.
9. Water, Thunder And Lightning
Nope, this doesn't mean that you're a weather freak, it just means that you can be excited by different naturally-occurring events that are out of the normal forecasts. As Hall details, "The sound of running water, or feel of it streaming down one's body can be a huge turn on for some people. Likewise, some can become aroused by the intensity of thunder and watching lightning spark in the sky."
A big word of caution from the experts though: You definitely don't want to go outside in these conditions if you're suddenly turned on by a break in the clouds. To go exploring this fantasy in a safe way, consider getting a noise machine that mimics the same noises outside, without having to risk anything in the great outdoors. You might also consider shower sex as a way to get your fix, if water is your thing.
Last but not least, are furries — a pretty large bucket of people who enjoy dressing up in various costumes (most of which, um, have appropriate holes!) while having sex. "Furries is within the realm of cosplay (costume play) and is characterized by a sexual attraction or affection to furries, or anthropomorphic animals," Singer explains. "Furry enthusiasts generally wear furry animal costumes when engaging in this form of fetish sex. Alternatively, some furry enthusiasts solo masturbate with stuffed animals."
If you're looking for a dating partner that will be into your fetish, Singer says you might want to get involved in a community, instead of swiping on Tinder. "There are furry social networking groups and even dating sites where you can find someone that is into this form of kink," she explains.
"If you are interested in exploring this realm, consider taking a trip this year to either Comic Con or Fetish Con. You'll meet lots of new furry friends there, as well as latex, BDSM and other fetish aficionados. If you don't have the ability to go to either of these conventions, take a look at FetLife.com, a massive community of fetish folks with a lively Furry community base to interact with and find local clubs and groups."
What's The History Of Fetishism?
Among those topics that are tough to outline their initial roots, fetishism is no exception. You can imagine that for as long as people have been getting it on, humans have participated in some sort of erotica and have been turned on by out-of-the-ordinary forms of sex, toys, clothing and objects. While Singer says there is some evidence that sexual fetishism was popular in the 16th and 17th century in the French courts, it wasn't until 1887 that the word first made it's appearance in an official, documented capacity.
"Fetichisme" was used in an erotic context by Alfred Binet, who was a French psychologist who among being very open-minded in the bedroom, also invented the first practical IQ test. "Binet theorized fetishism was the result of associations. He argued that, in certain vulnerable individuals, an emotionally rousing experience with the fetish object in childhood could lead to fetishism," Singer explains.
Fast forward to the era where many teeny-boppers were outgrowing their tube socks and experimenting in all sorts of unprecedented recreational activities in 1951, when a British psychoanalyst theorized something similar to Binet. Singer explains that Donald Winnicott presented a theory that tied transitional objects to phenomena. Or in other words, "Childish actions like thumb sucking and objects like cuddly toys are the source of manifold adult behavior, amongst many others, fetishism. He speculated that the child's transitional object became sexualized," she says.
These days, fetishes are much more widely accepted, with slews of sex toys, fetish-specific dating websites and plenty of porn for every kink, flavor and desire out there.
(This article originally appeared on askmen.com and was written by Lindsay Tigar)