The 6 Most Ridiculous Ways People Have Tried To Pass A Drug Test
It may be the worst surprise in the world: the dreaded, ominous drug test. If you’re a heavy cannabis user, the idea of a drug test can cause anxiety and pressure. And the businesses with some of the best and highest paying jobs require you to pass with flying colors. Depending on your body, the amount of cannabis you consume, and the amount physical exercise you enjoy, cannabis can stay in your system for a long time. So a surprise or even a short-notice drug screening can cause even the calmest stoner to go into a frenzy. Nonetheless, there are successful ways people have tried to pass a drug test.
But at the height of anxiety, some of the ways people have tried to pass a drug test are just downright stupid. And in some cases, dangerous. So in the event that someone wants to inspect your bodily fluids for drug use, keep calm and educate yourself on the myths. And don’t follow these examples—they’re the 7 most ridiculous ways people have tried to pass a drug test.
1. Ingesting Harmful Chemicals
Household solvents and items often receive attention as a well-known trick of the trade to defeat drug tests. Cannabis enthusiasts and other drug users swear by ingesting small amounts in different combinations of all sorts of substances in an effort to change the composition of their urine.
Drinking large amounts of items like drain-cleaner or liquid bleach are thought to help pass a drug test by many online communities.
But in reality, drinking toxic chemicals will not detox your body for a drug test.
In 2007, Baldwin County Alabama felt the results a popular rumor that claimed just that. Unfortunately, some members of its younger generation weren’t yet equipped with the gift of common sense.
Thinking it would help him pass a drug test, one teen guzzled some Clorox.
Drinking bleach can burn the esophagus and stomach lining, causing a number of other health issues, like it did for that unlucky guy.
To conclude loud and clear, drinking noxious chemicals won’t clean your urine of any substance or give you that quick ticket to a passing drug test.
It could, potentially, kill you.
2. Urine Dilution
This method has proven successful for many in the past, but with today’s technology, urine dilution is generally an idiot move.
The people testing your urine for substances aren’t fools. They know that the majority of people taking their tests probably have searched for some way to falsify it. They also have a ton of equipment and testing measures to understand the chemical composition of your urine.
Still, bringing chemicals to the drug test and adding it to the sample won’t get you off scot-free. Generally, toting along something like that to your appointment will serve as a dead giveaway you’re cheating a test.
Likely, the liquid used to dilute won’t make it past security and into the bathroom with you. So you’ll have to sneak it in through sneakier ways.
Even those with a level of fame try diluting when it comes to drug testing. Take Jabrill Peppers as he geared up for the NFL draft in the public eye. To pass, he diluted his urine. Unfortunately, this method of cheating is now so obvious, there’s a term for it.
When a test comes back with results reading “negative-dilute”, it’s obvious to probation officers and employers both that the person taking the test has diluted the sample somehow.
While this does not prove conclusively that the person used drugs, it does lead to suspicion. Often the person is tested all over again.
3. Synthetic Urine Substitutes
So maybe you know your urine won’t hold up to the rigorous lab testing protocol, no matter how much you detox. Some find the best alternative is to find a substitute that looks and acts like urine.
Of course, many synthetic urines are for sale on the internet, like those made by Monkey Bizness. But some people get especially creative when trying to pull off this fake-out. Some have even attempted their own DIY projects, careful to avoid the germs laden in a friend’s human brew.
But making your own synthetic pee can seem like a science experiment that may ultimately fail. Additionally, having to sit down to a science project is generally not on the top of every frantic stoner who has to face a drug test.
Which is why some people stoop to easier, if not slightly nervier, alternatives. In rifling through forums where worried online users post their tried and true methods for drug testing, you might come across bizarre suggestions to beating a drug test, like replacing your urine with broth.
However, chicken noodle soup lacks all of the chemical properties of urine. It may seem like a tricky move— soup is heated to a similar warm temperature and it’s yellowish—but come on. A lab technician has gone through years of schooling just to learn the proper way to test your urine for its make-up.
They aren’t fooled.
And furthermore, even the person administering the test will likely know it isn’t pee by its well-known brothy scent. Rest assured, replacing urine with any food is not one of the smartest ways people have tried to pass a drug test.
4. More Natural Urine Substitutes
Most people are insightful enough to realize synthetic urine can’t pass as the real deal to a professional in a laboratory. Instead, they opt for the traditional method of borrowing a cup of pee from a neighbor or a friend.
This method is the messiest option because you have to work with someone else’s bodily fluids. But when a job or your freedom is on the line, what are some drops of urine amongst friends?
If only it were so easy. Unfortunately, this way of cheating a drug test is getting more and more difficult to pull off. First of all, it’s important how your buddy’s pee is kept— is it at the right temperature? Where and how do you keep it, especially when the test is administered within view of someone?
It is also important to know your friend’s habits of drug use.
Don’t get screwed like this guy, who borrowed a friend’s urine only to find out it tested positive for cocaine, which inevitably got him immediately fired.
5. Fake Genitals
If attempting to use either real or synthetic urine, you’re going to need a transport method. Since someone’s probably in charge of supervising at the urination station, factoring where they see the pee originate from should play into the game plan for success.
If using alternative urines than your own to determine if one of the ways people tried to pass a drug test will work, think about the equipment. For some, the wrong mechanism for expelling the urine ended up the reason they failed their test.
Using fake genitals helps many succeed in passing drug screenings. However, for some, the false appendages can end up looking obvious to those giving out the test. Some fill condoms with urine and attach a baby bottle nipple. This contraption makes for easy body insertion to keep hidden and at the ready for game time.
Some prefer to operate using their own genitals, but keep the urine warm and close by keeping it in a shampoo bottle and taping it to the inner thigh. It is one of the resourceful ways people have tried to pass a drug test.
Too bad this method won’t work when under supervision, when searched through security or even when wearing tight pants.
6. Shave All Your Hair
When it comes to a hair drug test for someone who has used cannabis recently, passing can prove difficult.
Nonetheless, people have tried to cover up their hair follicle tests with some very interesting excuses and methods. Like shaving their heads.
Let’s not forget that iconic moment when Britney Spears shaved her beautiful blonde locks in 2007.
Hat’s off to this former badge holder. That may be one of the most ridiculous ways people have tried to pass a drug test.
Final Hit: The Right Ways People Have Tried to Pass a Drug Test
Passing a drug test can seem difficult and take time, but it is possible if you follow some important steps to detox and prepare for the screening.
If possible, keep in mind the type of drug test that the company or enforcement office administers. Knowing if it is a hair follicle, urine, or saliva test will help you to target and detox your body for the highest chances of success.
No matter what, avoid doing anything that doesn’t follow the laws of common sense. Chances are whoever is testing your urine is smart enough to know when it might contain trace amounts of chicken noodle soup.
Be careful and prepare, but most of all play it smart when it comes to drug screening.